It’s 10am. I’m supposed to be working.

Earlier today, Sweetpea was so distraught that she could not walk. Elle — screaming for her purple baby and Gretchen — losing her mind because she’s in the car seat? I shut the door to the car, looked at George and took a mental break.  It’s quiet, the train whooshes, I can feel gentle rain on my face, a slight breeze.

But wait let’s start in the beginning.

That’s right, Gretchen is older now so she’s hungry and snacks/eats every 1-2 hours through the night. So at 3:45am I am simply exhausted. I do not get up. I sleep til 5:45am. I order baby food. I see an email from my boss asking if we’re having our “3pm” call….or 4am here (which means a 3:30am wake up). I write and say I slept right through it and that we’d cancelled (we had but it was still on the calendar). That starts my day off wrong. Then I read my boss’ second email and associated question…the distance means no face to face.  I will inevitably spend the entire day reeling with concern. Am I doing a poor job? Did I make a really dumb mistake. Should I write him and apologize? Should I laugh and say how on earth did I miss that (turns out it was a system malfunction!)? I log back into my computer and decide apologizing sounds whiny and annoying so after spending 30 minutes to log in and load email…I opt to close my laptop. Usually children are sleeping when I work so of course Gretchen is trying to stand up on me and Elle…who knows. We have 20 minutes to be out the door. I throw on clothes, evaluate whether to make our daily smoothies and/or coffee. I opt not to and grab a yogurt.

Fast forward to the rain, the quiet, the train and I start doing the mental checklist…we have three showered children, everyone has shoes, jackets, waters, snacks and activities for the 30 minute drive. George grabs the pump and requisite bottles. Food was just reordered this morning before I got out of bed (thank you www.iherb.com for delivering organic/non-gmo infant food). I have the wipes that were requested. I have forgotten the diaper rash cream again and Sweetpea’s boots are simply worn out and I am embarrassed by them.

We get in the car, I debate stopping at the vending machine down the street for warm, canned coffee…opt not to. Validate we have taken out the trash for today, fed and walked the dogs, and that we have money for the tolls on the highway. Not related to each other just part of the morning routine. We start our trek to drop off George and kids for preschool/daycare. I thank George for dressing Elle and taking care of the dogs, the trash and loading the car.

Then starts the 30 minute – one hour childcare drop off. Elle is apparently needing an extra long hug before settling in for her second breakfast. I give said hug and savor the moment to remember one day I will be the ugh mom with an eye roll. She settles in with a smile and waves me off.

Sweetpea has a hobble that has continued since Sunday…growing pains? Sprain/break from her fall from her ice skating field trip? I make a mental note to call the doctor after I drop off Gretchen. Sweetpea hobbles off and I’m convinced her injury is somewhere between nothing, growing pains or something. I give her three kisses (cheek, forehead, cheek), tell her I’m proud of her and smile back at her.

Gretchen chooses this morning to be the morning Mom CANNOT leave her. So I go pump, get about half of what I need, frown at the formula and complete the check in process. G has decided she needs to follow me around and crawls a solid 25 ft to be nearby. I bring her over, she watches me finish labeling bottles, sign her fully in, fill out her daily sheet and try to leave. She loses her mind. I sit down with her and try to give her a bottle. Nope. Not today. So I bring her over to her teachers, help her settle in with a toy and then sadly leave. #MomGuilt

I rush out, call the doctor. He’s available in an hour. Darn. I need to start working. I am able to do some admin work for 30 minutes. I go grab Sweetpea. Doc says yes it’s probably growing pains. Ok. Let’s go. I decide we should run by the children’s store to see if they have boots on sale…they do. Fine, throw out those old ones. I drop Sweetpea back at preschool.

About 40 minutes later I’m settling in for work. Please don’t fire me boss man. I’m trying so hard.